“Bitches Ain’t Shit” (Dr. Dre), “Loyal” (Chris Brown), “Don’t Save Her”(Project Pat), “What These Bitches Want”(DMX). These are some of the most memorable and fun songs of my generation. Amazing beats, catchy hooks, beloved artists.
As great as these songs are (I regrettably know ALL the words to B.A.S), they definitely don’t do anything to make women appear to be great romantic partners, let alone good friends. In fact, aside from a few Bonnie and Clyde type references, I can’t think of many songs that speak about men’s appreciation for women as ‘just friends’. So, in the spirit of International Women’s Day I’m blocking all songs like the one’s mentioned above from my mind and I’m showing love to the real BFF’s.
In elementary school my best friend was Damien. In middle school there was only one other Black boy in advance classes with me, and he could play basketball, so of course Antoine and I became best friends. Little did I know some of my future best friends where in my middle school classes but I wouldn’t discover them until high school. During my sophomore year of high school Biggie dropped a line on the song “Sky’s the Limit” from the Life After Death album. “Plus I’m f*ckin, bitches ain’t my homegirls now”. Well I wasn’t doing much of that back then so I couldn’t relate and that afforded me the ability to see my homegirls as the true friends they were and not just as potential notches on my belt.
Today the same group of 5 women from middle/high school collectively make up my first real BBF. Looking back I see how their embrace back then influences how I manage ALL my relationships with women now, even the failed ones. They’re the reason I passed AP English. They’re the reason why I was popular on the varsity basketball team although I saw limited playing time. They’re the reason why other women think I’m marriage material. They’re the reason I prefer to work with women over men. They’re part of the reason why and how I maintain healthy relationships with men and women. All men need “that one homegirl”. I was lucky to have a group of them as teen and to have them now along with some other great women friends in my life. Here’s a few benefits I’ve gained from my friendships with women:
Women look and smell better than ‘the homies’.
No explanation needed. It’s just facts.
Having female friends make you more attractive to other women.
Women have a radar for valuable men and nothing validates a man’s value more to other women than another woman appreciating said value. (yes read that again for understanding)
Women friends will put you on with their other cute women friends.
This is the collateral damage of being a genuinely good guy with women friends. They have no problem tossing you the oop. Just don’t make them look like fools and you’ll continue to win in this area.
Women are “the plug” for real.
Homegirls always know somebody that knows somebody. Its the privilege of feminine mystique. Don’t argue, it’s just facts.
Women love to support men they love.
Women will come through for you in the clutch like no other. Their love and support will have them spreading the word and cheering you on at an earthworm digging contest if that was your competition of choice.
Women are much better at multi-tasking.
So ask your friend for help and never take advantage of her.
Women friends will love up on you equally when you’re up or down.
Let’s face it, homeboys are horrible at consoling each other during vulnerable moments. Insert your best women friend and everything will get better faster. Women also make for thee best cheerleaders. Even the most supportive homeboy is still mediocre with the “Congrats my G!” We mean well but women just express it better.
The best women friends will make you better.
They will challenge you. You may not like it. It is necessary. Unlike men that challenge you in order to take your spot or deflate you, women challenge you in order to help you solidify or even improve your position in the world. All that uncalled for attitude is a form of nurturing that we don’t always understand until later.
There are plenty of other benefits to having good, healthy, platonic relationships with women. If you can think of more leave them in the comments and if you want to know how to acquire one of these relationships…start by being a good man because they need us just as much as we need them.