How to handle the dreaded “what are we/we doing?” Question

Men dread the question “what are we?” or “what are we doing?” from their lover, mate, friend etc. Actually, neither men nor women want to hear it because if you’re not the person asking then obviously your satisfied being umm…whatever you are.

The “what are we?” convo always comes at the most awkward and unexpected time. If you’re
around your clueless mate the question is preceded by an eerie, deep, thick silence then
she just lays it on as you as you’re enjoying  a good foreign film on Netflix. Not only are you bothered because you can no longer keep up with the subtitles but it also dawns on you that this Netflix moment probably won’t end with any chill.

If the question arises via text it tends to come through as an assertive and uncanny “Hey! We
need to talk”. Now you’re looking around the room confused because she’s already initiated a
convo which means that you’re already talking. Fellas, no matter what do not attempt to have this convo via text. Be like Quavo, Travis Scott and Young Thug…pick up the phone. In fact if she insist on texting a 4 page letter, hit her with the “Ok. I’ll call you later.”

If this is the first time you two are having this conversation please approach with humility and
consideration. Depending on how long you’ve known her you kind of already know “what you are” but the difficult part is explaining it. However, this discussion isn’t as difficult as some make it and the first step to making it less difficult is DO NOT LIE. The second step is DO NOT RESPOND WITH THE SAME QUESTION SHE JUST ASKED YOU.

Once you’ve completed the first 2 steps be ready to take the loss but don’t assume that you’ve
lost. (No loss and lost are not the same word) Listen, she’s asking because she wants clarity on
her position in your life. She may want to throw your entire being in the trash after you respond
or she may just downgrade you from the new Gucci sneakers to the retro J’s for your birthday. Ya never know.

Of course you’re caught off guard by this question but you must be aware of what’s going on
here. Success with women, and in life, is about understanding underlying context – what’s not
being said but being communicated. When she poses this question she’s really saying “look I
like you, probably more than you like me and that’s ok if you can convince me that you’re
intentions with me are congenial in this moment. SO BOO…WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS?”

She knows you’re not trying to “wife” her yet because you haven’t expressed that explicitly.
Remember gentleman they expect us to read their minds but they shall never ever read ours. No way. Who does that? In her mind you got some ‘splainin’ to do!

There’s no one answer to the “what are we?” question so here’s what I’ll leave you with –
To be a man includes defining yourself for yourself and communicating that clearly and
consistently. Be who you say you are or whatever you say I am like Eminem. 

Do yourself a favor and don’t try to escape the convo with an IDK. She’ll begin to dislike you very much for this because both of you can’t not know. Define some boundary. Define what she is to you at the time. If you have future plans for her let her know. If you don’t have  future plans let her know and if you’re figuring it out tell her some really nice things then tell her you need a little more time to determine what we are and she just might accept that. Words are what matter most right now, so don’t go in for the loving smooch or caress to distract her.  She’s not with it, shop is closed for maintenance. Be solid, be who you are, be honest and even if you’re unsure she needs sincerity, thought and some confidence.  We she ask “what are we?” and you don’t know what “we” are then for many ladies “we” ain’t shit and you’re not a piece of shit…are you? 

@iquell

 

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